Impossible Projects Worldwide was this week appointed as agency of choice for the global repositioning of Lunch.

Account director IM Famished says, “For years customers have been abandoning Lunch in favor of sexier, stupider upstart rivals. Brands like Brunch have acquired a huge market share by appealing to the lazy weekend crowd with overpriced eggs benny and Champagne on toast. Meanwhile Snacks and even Gym-Time have eaten into Lunch’s once dominant daily position. Our challenge is to get people eating at noon again.”

Insiders say Impossible impressed the client with their snappy slogan “Lunch—it’s not Breakfast” and their plans to dress staff up as giant sandwiches and chase people down the street. But when asked to comment, the people at Lunch said they didn’t have time to talk as they were too busy wolfing down a wilted Caeser salad before running back to their desks.

Market-watchers say there’s a lot of work to be done to turn the trend around. “Brunch has spawned a bastard generation of over-hyped, undercooked ideas,” said A. Spokesperson of The Made-Up Agency. “But people love them. In fact, I’ve just finished the best Greek brunch I’ve ever had. Feta cheese smoothies, black olive lattes, you name it. That’s Grunch.”

Whether anyone can make a midday meal cool again remains to be seen. In between quick slurps of a watery tomato soup, Famished says, “The client has given us 60 minutes to make this work. And if we here at Impossible can’t do it, then no-one can.”