(Bangkok, Thailand) In a bid to regain some ground in the polls, Abhisit has shifted the focus of his campaign from raising the minimum wage to reminding people what the Red Shirts did last year: undercut local food stalls with free food, sold flip-flops in areas where people wear shoes, burned down Zen department store and Siam Theatre, played molam during office hours and made traffic around Ratchaprasong slightly worse than usual. A goodwill ambassador for the campaign said, “For several weeks, you couldn’t shop at GAP, as their only store was at CentralWorld. How can anyone vote for these savages?”The army also chimed in, reminding people that fires are extremely dangerous. “When there’s a fire, it gets all smokey, and our snipers can’t see so well. Sometimes what we think is a wild boar turns out to be a nurse in a temple, or what looks like a bazooka turns out to be camera. Also, smoke can cause cancer, so we’ll only know the real costs of these fires in 20-30 years,” said the Supreme Generalissimo.The campaign consisted of hundreds of people sitting puppeab style in front of CentralWorld. The representative for the Ministry of Culture and Boobies explained, “I think the Red Shirts were angry about the coup, and the army forcing small parties to make a coalition with the Democrats. But it’s not Thai culture to burn things down when angry. One must sit puppeab-style—preferably in an international airport—smile and hope for some gracious godly intervention to fix your problems. Hey, it worked for us!”Yingluck briefly complimented Abhisit on his campaign just as she launched the “Platinum Rice Centurion Master” credit card. “It’s very simple,” one Pheu Thai canvasser explained. “You take some rice, you tap it three times with the card and say the words, ‘To vote Thaksin is to be rich.’ The rice instantly turns into gold.”Asked to comment on the Democrats’ uninterrupted slip in the polls, one mae ka suggested that they launch a Platinum Palm Oil Signature Elite card of their own: “It’s not easy getting people to feel outrage at a closed department store when they can’t even afford fried bananas.”