Candidates for the upcoming election are slowly crawling out the woodwork. Chuwit is running with his dog. Chart Pattana Puea Pandin Party has enlisted a lot of athletes, oh, and Paradorn. And the Democrat party has promised 30 celebrities on its list of candidates. After all, your candidate’s backgrounds can send powerful messages about your party’s priorities:Somrak (Chart Pattana Puea Pandin Party).- He said: “From now on, we don’t need bullet-proof vehicles as we have at least four former boxing champions with us.”- He really meant: “Vote for us or you will feel the pain.”- We say: Don’t worry about punch-drunk politicians. A confused politician is more likely to be an honest politician.Chuwit Kamolvisit (Rak Prathet Thai)- He showed off a Mercedes-branded steering wheel and his bull-terrier as signs of “good direction and honesty.”- He really meant: “If y’all can’t trust an ex-pimp riding a Benz with his dawg, whooze you gonna trust?”- We say: Chuwit owning an attack dog and a Mercedes without a steering wheel is not a reassuring prospect. Quick, vote for him so he can get a new car—or six.Satit Wongnongtaey (Democrat Party) - He said that 30 of his party’s electoral candidates will be celebrities and heirs of political families.- He really meant: “If you drive a Mini and party on Thong Lor, there’s a pretty good chance you can be a Democrat candidate.”- We say: Celebrities and spoiled brats are definitely what this country needs. Their depth, their generosity, their grasp of complex issues never cease to amaze us. (And we encounter them a lot.) Also, we’re thrilled to see the Singha heiress is back. Can we get a copy of that dirty calendar she made?Natthawut Saiuka (Red Shirt)- He said: “We will turn every pain into strength.”- He meant: “Jatuporn could be more useful in jail that out.”- We say: Where are the beauty queens and sports stars? Pain doesn’t sound like a very sexy platform. Well, at least Pheua Thai’s new head, Yingluck, is a fresh face, right? Hang on. That last name, “Shinawatra,” haven’t we heard it somewhere before…