Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
My girlfriend and I submitted our names for a local modeling competition just for the heck of it because life’s so boring, you know? It turns out the competition’s going to be more exciting than I thought because we’ll be modeling—wait for it—beach wear. I will be strutting down a wooden runway in nothing but a pair of board shorts or (Lord forbid) Speedos. You’re probably thinking, “so what?” right? The thing is, my body’s like the human equivalent of a plastic ironing board—flat, stiff and boring. I have two weeks to do something about it. What do you suggest? —BEACH BOY

Dear BB,
You know what the lesson for this one is, right? When you get bored, check out the local attractions, man! We have Universal Studios, Resorts World, myriad shopping malls and even more pubs for a reason, you know! But seeing as I might end up in the same beach pub where you’ll be showcasing your “wares” this weekend, I’m going to suggest that you do two things—waxing and tanning. Yes, I know, most guys shy away from these stuff but you’ve got two weeks and let’s face it—that’s hardly enough time for you to look like a Ralph Lauren model. Get a Boyzillian done at Pink Parlour (#B1-06 Liang Court Shopping Centre, 177 River Valley Rd., 6100-7465) this week, then go for a full body tanning the week after for best results. Many men prefer to go to Strip Coed ION Orchard (#03-17A ION Orchard, 2 Orchard Turn, 6634-9330), which has been around for longer but to me, a wax is a wax. Good luck.