Obama’s trip to Thailand will be his first as US President. How exciting! But just as we were about to go on a sexy lingerie shopping spree in preparation for a torridly warm welcome, it dawned on us what this visit is really about. Let’s not kid ourselves, it’s Myanmar he’s fluttering his eyelashes at.How did we go from being the cornerstone of US foreign policy in Southeast Asia to being a side trip? Did we not build you entire streets, heck even a city, full of brothels, oh ungrateful yanks? Did we not name khao pad America, that culinary triumph, after your great nation? Did we not roll around with you in the mud for the yearly Cobra Games? We can deal with your uniform fetish, but why did you go and invite Burma to be an observer this year? A threesome? Really? Thailand not spicy enough for you anymore?Well, we’re not going to stand around and let you treat us this way. We refuse to turn into a bitter, neglected mia luang while you frolic with the Burmese maid. In fact, we’re still looking pretty hot for a mature, fully developed, confident country. And we’re going to get even by getting ourselves gig.Top of our list is China. He’s been knocking at our door for ages and now that he’s got that new look we just might let him in. He’s so cute when he flexes his muscles and growls at Japan. Who would have thought the mainland could be so loaded with testosterone! We’re blushing at the mere thought of all those shiny missiles pointed at defenseless, virgin islands.Or maybe we’ll give Korea a call. He’s such a good dancer, even when he’s just horsing around. And horsing around with an Asian tiger is exactly what we need right now.Or maybe we’ll do all of the above, and keep you Americans on the side. After all, you’ve got the hottest president. (Sorry Xi, you need to get a tan and take up basketball.) So welcome to Thailand, Mr President, and sorry for the drama but, hey, makeup sex is always the best.