(Bangkok, Thailand) In a shocking revelation, it appears the beloved Governor of Bangkok was kept prisoner under Bangkok Futsal Arena for two weeks by a global cabal seeking to besmirch Bangkok’s good name. In lieu of the real governor, this criminal organization also sent out Sukhumbhand lookalikes to defame him.According to unconfirmed reports, the Governor was kidnapped after his morale boosting visit to Bangkok Futsal Arena to ensure the troubled project was completed in time for the FIFA Futsal World Cup. Apparently, he had been sleeping peacefully at the construction site when masked men, possibly wearing red shirts (though it was dark), seized him.The next thing the Governor knew, he was stripped to his y-fronts in the stadium’s basement, hanging suspended above a pool of crocodiles (all escapees during last year’s floods). While hanging there, he claimed an unidentified evil henchman revealed a shadowy plot to prevent the futsal stadium from being finished.“Even the Burmese are involved,” a close aide revealed. “The Burmese government and Aung San Suu Kyi are deliberately stirring up trouble with the Rohingyas so the BMA can’t get enough underpaid migrant workers.” The Chinese Communist Party, too, prevented flooring materials from arriving on time in what could be the biggest plot to destablize a Southeast Asian nation since Super Junior.While Sukhumbhand remained a hostage, a doppelganger of the gubernatorial front-runner went around tarnishing his name and making him look bad ahead of next year’s elections, saying and doing inappropriate things—hence the governor’s suprise at his appearance on giant billboards throughout the city.While the governor was unable to confirm the people behind the plot, the name “Old Square Head” was whispered a few times—alongside much talk of trips to Dubai. These revelations have led many experts to suspect that the United Arab Emirates, having seen the great things Sukhumbhand has achieved in making Bangkok run smoothly and efficiently, were behind the plot to stop him from making them look bad in comparison.Thankfully, the Governor was able to get away after chewing through the ropes with his gleaming teeth and escaping on the back of a crocodile. From now on, whether it’s unfinished stadiums or flooding downtown, the governor will finally be able to take full responsibility.