Last week Our Glorious Caretaker (henceforth referred to as “OGC”) filed defamation lawsuits seeking 800 million baht in damages against a number of defendants including several newspapers. The suits are in response to allegations made by a Democrat party official, which were in turn printed in three newspapers, that OGC is a “pii pob.”
If you recall from your anuban mythology classes, pii pob are those greedy, filthy spirits that feed on the guts of innocent people like you and me. Obviously OGC had no choice but to sue to clear his good name. Because one thing that OGC is most definitely not is “filthy.” His collection of Fendi towels is legendary, as is his use of skincare and other grooming products.
No one likes suing people, least of all OGC—and certainly not members of the media, who OGC has the utmost respect and affection for. But those who cross the line of decency must be punished. That’s why prevention is key. In order to prevent others from making the same mistakes as these ignorant reporters, the Ministry of OGC would like to invite the press to revisit the “Passive Hacks Are Happy Hacks” handbook, relevant passages of which are excerpted below.
Journalist Code of Ethics: The Media and OGC
Journalists shall strive to report information that is fair and accurate, except when it portrays OGC in a negative light.
Journalists shall film or take photographs of OGC from his good side (left) and never from above.
Journalists shall defend the principle of freedom of the press, but not to the point it gets annoying for the OGC.
Journalists shall not make comparisons between OGC and ghosts (“pii”), the undead, spirits or demons without the express written consent of the Ministry of OGC. See appendix “P.”
Appendix P: Ghosts, the undead and mythical heroes
The following are NEVER acceptable for use in comparisons with OGC: pii pob, pii pao, pii krasue, pii tai hong, zombies (from Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, Resident Evil—Shaun of the Dead is the rare exception).
The following are SOMETIMES acceptable for use in comparisons with OGC: pii tonmai, Beetlejuice, Slimer (Ghostbusters), Ghost of Christmas Future (but not Past).
The following are ALWAYS acceptable for use in comparisons with OGC: Casper the Friendly Ghost, Santa Claus, Superman, Robin Hood.