My name is Pol. Col. Porn and I’m a new member of the Sweet Troupe. They call us sweet because we’re women. And women are sweet. Like after doing a flying armbar on your sorry ass, right after your teeth hit the pavement, I will murmur something mellifluous in your ear: “Sorry, I didn’t want to have to kick you in the balls.”There are two reasons why the Sweet Troupe was created: female rioters and female leaders. We’re meant to protect one and use our female psychology with the other—perhaps not in that order. As you well know, bodyguards are expected to follow whomever they protect into the shower, so this makes perfect sense for Yingluck. As for the rioters, we will be trained to quickly exchange makeup tips to create rapport, and then whisk them off for a marathon shopping session at Pratunam.The talk about Yingluck has been really exciting this week. In between mentioning her hair, her clothes, the fact that she drinks lattes, the fact that she’s a she, there’s all this serious talk about her new government, like which men will be on her cabinet. Or how Suthep hates the world. Or how Abhisit is sticking around with the Democrats. Or which of Chuwit’s daughters is hotter. You can really tell things have changed. Like when the Major General lightly tapped me on the ass this morning, I could tell it was being done with a new sense of respect.I’m a woman, a cop and a mom. So this is a great week for me: female prime minister, new female police unit, Mother’s Day. I’m really thrilled. My stupid husband is probably going to get me a rice cooker or something. Oh yeah, I’m also a cook, a nanny and a maid. I must have attention deficit disorder or something. My husband, he’s perfectly happy just focusing on his job. I wonder if Yingluck will still have to cook on top of her new job?Speaking of cooking, I gotta go make dinner now—somehow. Pork is B200 per kilo these days, because of some swine disease. You know, that’s funny, because, everywhere I look, pigs are as plentiful and healthy as ever. Happy Mother’s Day, ladies!