Wow, that censure debate was really great, wasn’t it? Now we really know what caused the floods. In no particular order: Karun Hosakul’s backhoe (not as dirty as it sounds), Section 226 of the constitution (“thou shalt not distribute canned fish to people underwater”) and bags stuffed with sand or cash or something (they get all soggy—and their owner may come looking for them). Boy, are we stoked that those evil flood-doers have been named and shamed. Now hang the guilty and let’s move on. Our IKEA meatballs are getting cold.“No wait! You haven’t solved a thing!”Oh what now! What are those annoying little voices we hear?“The floods were caused by torrential rains. We need to plan for the future. This could take months and we will have to work together to…”Woah. Take it easy, there. Rains don’t cause floods. People cause floods. Politicians in particular.“No, seasonal rains cause floods. We need 18 months to draft a plan, and we need to put up some emergency dykes and barriers…”Hola? Bonjour? Sorry we can hardly hear you. And what’s with the funny accent? You wouldn’t be from the Japan International Cooperation Agency, would you now?“Yes, we’d like to…”Well, allow us to explain how things work in our Magical Kingdom. When the shit hits the fan, we don’t ask “how,” we ask “who.” Now if you want to do all that research and planning using Japanese taxpayers’ money, we won’t stop you, but let’s be clear about a few things here:1. We didn’t thank you for the work you did after the 1995 flood. We didn’t care and we sure as hell won’t care this time around.2. Don’t expect us to read that report. Soda water is back in supermarkets and we have some serious catching up to do on our drinking.3. Could we have another billion baht zero-interest loan? We’re pretty sure we left the last one you lent us in the living room, but now it seems to have disappeared. Thanks!