“When the dust settles, I’m sure the truth will appear. Time will show that we did the right thing to protect Thai territory and the country,” our recently retired ex-Foreign Minister says. Obviously, he knows something we don’t. Cambodia’s secret Weapons of Mass Destruction program, perhaps. Noppadon might have been presented with an unspeakable ultimatum: withdraw claims for Preah Vihear or the ancient temple will open up, James Bond-style, and launch a battery of missiles at Victory Monument.
Facing nuclear annihilation, we can hardly blame Noppadon for conceding the land. If we had been in his shoes, we probably would have thrown in Buri Ram and Si Saket—and maybe even a buy-one-get-one deal on satellites for good measure.
Or was Noppadon referring to an even more sinister threat: Cambodian black magic. Sure, in Thailand we have amulets, monks and fever packs with great magical powers, but everyone knows that when you want some good dried fish or seriously evil curses, you head east. By signing, Noppadon saved us from becoming the busom-baring slaves of Khmer shamans for not just this life but the next and the next and the next. That’s why they knocked that rajapreuk tree over at the Government House—you didn’t think it was the wind, did you? That little nudge from the Cambodians was a warning: “Don’t piss us off again.”
Need more proof? It’s been well-reported how much time Thaksin Shinawatra has been spending in Cambodia. Looking at his daughter Paetongtarn’s graduation pictures, we noticed Loong Maew and his family looked a bit absent, their smiles a bit strained, their faces a bit rubbery—zombie spies, in other words. All it took was a lock of hair and a few toenail clippings from a Poipet casino suite.
Unfortunately, we’ve fallen behind in the race for black magic supremacy. While our leaders have been squandering the nation’s resources on trivial pursuits such as a new airport, constitutional reform and campaigns encouraging the use of small change, our warlocks and witches have been neglected to the point of near extinction.
This is why Thaksin’s former lawyer had to resign, despite the damage to his professional reputation: Noppadon is our only hope. So please give the learned man some room to work; once the dust settles, he’ll tell us where we can look for the truth.