A leaked police report indicated that Pheu Thai would win 164 seats versus 83 for the Democrats in the 331 constituencies they surveyed. This raises a few questions.1. Why does the police conduct polls? We have an answer from the Chief of Special Needs Police Branch: “I have a family too, and I’ve noticed rising food costs, mostly because my eight Burmese maids all asked for a raise this week. If I have to pay them, I want to know who’s going to be giving me a 25% raise. In this case, it seems Pheu Thai is in the lead: Yingluck, big shout-out to ya. You’re beautiful. Love ya!”2. How do I get off the sinking Democrat ship as quickly as possible?We have an answer from the Chartthaipanacotta Party leader: “In 2008, I was abducted by an invisible and irresistible force. They took me to a room and told me I had to join the Democrat-led coalition or they would give me an anal probe. Back on earth, I tried to alert the press but my mouth was spewing lies about loving Abhisit. Now I feel much better, thank you. Please vote for me.”3. Are the Democrats that bad?We have an answer from someone’s Facebook page, claiming he is the Prime Minister of our fair kingdom: “When I close my eyes, I see small parties. They talk to me to. They tell me to do things I don’t want to do. And sometimes they take things, things like paper clips at first, but then entire portions of the budget began evaporating. I’ve tried meditation and dousing myself in ice but they’re always there, whispering, ‘Feed us, feed us.’”4. Will the army intervene when Pheu Thai wins a majority?We have an answer from our Serene Generalissimo in Chief, Supreme Commander of Siam: “Don’t bring a knife to a gunfight. In fact, don’t bring a gun either, like you laughably puny Pheu Thai crazies did two weeks ago. We’re the army. We have missiles and stuff. So let’s have this election, vote for whoever you want, then we’ll make a nice Democrat-led government so we can buy more fun things. I’m thinking balloons, in particular. We love balloons.”