This week we shift our attention from tanks to toilets with the start of the World Toilet Expo & Forum. Hundreds of experts for whom “another shitty day at the office” is a good thing are gathering in our fair metropolis to discuss basic standards, development goals and technological advancements, among other topics under the theme “Happy Toilet, Healthy Life.” Scheduled keynote speeches include an update on toilets in Shanghai, site of the inaugural event in 2005, toilet accessibility for people with special needs, air hygiene in washrooms, crime prevention and effective toilet design.As host country our delegation is expected to be the strongest, with some 450 participants, and several Thai speakers will address the convention, including representatives from the BMA and Ministry of Public Health. Unfortunately, the schedule was drawn up months ago and Thailand’s contributions do not reflect more recent events. Therefore, we would like to suggest a few last-minute additions to the program:Keynote Speech: “Squeezing the Most Out of Your Toilets”Presented By: Airports of ThailandDescription: Space that rightly should be used for more profitable pursuits such as shopping often is wasted on restroom facilities. Experts from the AoT discuss a groundbreaking formula for determining the number of toilets needed in public areas. By their calculations, an airport handling in excess of 100,000 travelers per day requires but 100 toilets—1 toilet for every 1,000 people. The secret? Minimal signage.Keynote Speech: “Don’t Pee on the Flowers, Please”Presented By: Organizers of the Royal Flora RatchaphreukDescription: “One toilet for every 1,000 people”—what the hell was the AoT thinking? Were they sniffing toilet cleaning products? Representatives from the organizing committee of the eagerly awaited horticulture show in Chiang Mai talk about the challenges they faced with 30,000 visitors per day and “only” 700 toilets.Study Trip: “Toilet Tour of Flood-Afflicted Provinces”Presented By: Public Health Ministry, Tourism Authority of ThailandDescription: Take a leisurely cruise to several flood-hit provinces to the north of Bangkok, complete with full buffet breakfast and lunch, fortune-telling and live entertainment. If you dare, try out one of the portable toilets that cost B3,000 each or, even better, one of the floating toilets that were built by students for a measly B6,000! Later, over afternoon tea, take part in a discussion on waterborne diseases.Keynote Speech: “Flush(ing) with Cash”Presented By: Airports of ThailandDescription: When it comes to toilets, you can never pay too much—especially when taxpayers are footing the bill. A procurement expert from the AoT introduces a model of one of the 200 new toilets that will be installed at Suvarnabhumi Airport at a cost of B2 million each. He will also explain how they were able to obtain such a low price for the toilets on short notice without a formal bidding process.