1. To keep up your energy for a marathon session of gift buying, keep a flask of vodka on you and chase swigs of it with M150.2. Listening to repeated renditions of “White Christmas” is hazardous to your health—always shop with your iPod and dig those earbuds in deep.3. The girls at Robinson’s are not really elves—don’t hassle them about that bicycle Santa never gave you when you were 8.4. It is generally frowned upon to body check your way to the front of the Beard Papa’s line.5. If your credit card is rejected twice, and there’s a queue of people behind you, smile politely and stab yourself deep in the arm to express your dissatisfaction.6. If Kim Jong-il is on your shopping list, remember due to the sanctions he’s not allowed luxury goods like iPods, flat-screen TVs, Champagne and foie gras. Get him a rice cooker instead.7. Slutty Santa outfits are always a great gift for your new mother-in-law.8. A nice bottle of wine is always appreciated. Just remember that those girls in Villa have no idea what they’re talking about.9. Last-minute gifts are perfectly acceptable. Nothing says, “I love you and I’m not having an affair” like a CD of “Green Music” from the BTS.10. Extended shopping in Siam Paragon is the perfect opportunity to wear all that winter clothing you foolishly purchased on your last holiday overseas. For visits of two hours or less, a sweater and hat are fine; over two hours and you might need a scarf.11. Under no circumstances should you head-butt sales staff, no matter how rude or clueless they may be.12. Remember, you are the ultimate gift. That means give out trinkets—it’s the thought that counts, after all—but demand expensive presents.