AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18): Seven centuries ago, there were Christian religious fanatics in Europe who demanded that all women must cover their ears. Why? Because the Virgin Mary had been inseminated through that part of her body by the Holy Spirit. The fanatics feared that other women might be susceptible to the influx of invisible ear-penetrating entities that weren’t so benevolent. And how does this relate to you? While I’m not worried that you’ll be literally invaded, I do think you should be careful about what words and sounds you let slip into your ears.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18): Your whole life passed before your eyes in a flash, and yet you survived. The veil parted and revealed sights too weird and wonderful to consciously register, changing you in ways that won’t fully sink in for months. Now you may feel as if you’re waking up at 3 p.m. after an all-night binge. You might be so overloaded with uncanny new wisdom that you don’t quite know what practical use to make of it all yet. But have no fear: As your birthday approaches, you’ll begin to understand the teachings you didn’t even know you absorbed.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): Your power animal in 2007 will be the hare, whose front legs are shorter than its back legs, allowing it to run uphill with exceptional speed. What this means, Capricorn, is that while you will have more ascents to make than usual in the coming months, you will also be well-equipped to carry them out with efficiency and power. The steep challenges you face might feel daunting to anyone else, but your heightened ability to conquer them will often inspire you to approach them with relish.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): Your sins are pretty mild, Capricorn. Still, you have from time to time violated some of your own highest standards; you have on occasion failed to live with impeccable ethical integrity. That’s the bad news. The good news is that in 2007 you will have the best chance ever to atone for past mistakes. If done well, your corrective actions will win you a permanent vacation from the hell that those mistakes have sometimes trapped you in.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21): “Whether we are on the threshold of a Golden Age or on the brink of a global cataclysm that will extinguish our civilization is not only unknowable, but undecided,” said Edward Cornish, President of the World Future Society. I bet that in the past year you’ve had comparable fantasies about the fate of your own personal destiny, Sagittarius. At times, it must have seemed as if you were teetering on the brink of a sulfurous abyss that was within shouting distance of the yellow brick road to paradise. Talk about conflicting emotions!

SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21): “Talent hits a target no one else can hit,” said German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. “Genius hits a target no one else can see.” That could and should apply to you, Scorpio, at least during the month of November. I believe that you have a heightened ability to access special talents that have been partially dormant up till now. If you summon the gall to be almost crazily confident, you’ll soon be scoring bull’s-eyes on targets that no one else can see, let alone hit.

SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21): “Dear Mr. Sensitive Astrologer: Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t want peace of mind! So stop trying to talk me into going after it! It’s impossible to have it on this earth. Got that? And another thing. I don’t care about your time-consuming emotional resolution stuff! I’m not interested in chasing after the unrealistic goal of being a nice person. I just want pure, raw, naked success—the kind of glory that makes me feel really proud of my powerful effect on people. That’s it!

SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21): In his book A Whack on the Side of the Head: How You Can Be More Creative, Roger von Oech quotes one of his clients, an architect: “Play is what I do for a living; the work comes in organizing the results of the play.” Make this your guiding principle in the coming weeks, Scorpio. Ask the universe to give you lots of opportunities to mess around and improvise blithely and resurrect your playing-in-the-sandbox consciousness. Come up with good excuses to let your attention wander and explore previously off-limits fun and games.

LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22): U.S. Patent number 5,996,568 is an apparatus for safely shooting hot dogs into a crowd. Patent 4,834,212 is a device into which someone can scream and howl without bothering anyone nearby, allowing her to vent pent-up emotions. Patent 2,272,154 is a ladder that spiders can use to climb out of a bath. Patent 4,247,283 is a gadget that allows a trumpet to be used as a flamethrower while being played. These are exactly the kinds of imaginative innovations I urge you to work on, Libra.

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22): There was one main reason why America’s founding fathers gave Thomas Jefferson, not Benjamin Franklin, the job of composing the Declaration of Independence in 1776. They were afraid that Franklin, a compulsive teaser and trickster, would slip jokes into the document. In my opinion, we Americans would have been better served if Franklin had been chosen and allowed to mess around. After all, even the most profound commitments and weighty situations benefit from the leavening power of humor.