To: Nathan
From: A2O
Subject: Life is suck

Hi there!
Lo-o-o-o-ng time no see. How r u? Hope everything is good with u. I’m OK…. Well, actually I’m not OK. I have a lot on my mind. Don’t laugh, but remember all those times I gave you a hard time and asked, “How the hell can you be gay?” Well, you guessed it: I think I’m gay. I mean, I know I’m gay. I’ve known for some time but it’s a BIG BIG step for me to come out of the closet. I feel so uncomfortable. I dunno! Sometime I wish I wasn’t gay at all. But then I feel so stretched having to hide my true self. U know what I mean? Maybe I wasn’t gay before, but that doesn’t matter because I realize what I am now. The big “G” word: Gay! Or maybe the “F” word: Fag! 555. Was it as hard for you as it is for me? My friends here haven’t been very supportive. I dunno. Should I just force my gayish-ness down their throats—or push it back down inside me and get back on the straight track? No, can’t do that. I know what I need/want to do, but wish it would be easier. What do you think, dude?
Luv,
A2O (About 2 Out)

To: A2O
From: Nathan
Subject: Re: Life is suck

Hi A2O. I’m very good; thanks for asking. And welcome to my team! Yeah, “life is suck”—but not always. Seems like you have changed a lot since I last saw you. Well, you came to the right person. I can’t tell you exactly what to do, but you know I’ve been there and have somehow managed to live happily ever after. Sometimes. Coming out of the bloody cramped closet requires a lot of thought. I’m sure that many people have told you how bad it sucks being gay in Mango City. OK. There are stereotypes about gays here just like anywhere else, but here they aren’t as strong and they don’t matter as much. For the most part we’re accepted so long as we’re not too gay. This society was set up for men and women, and it’s dominated by men—straight men—but we can make it big here, and we are valued. The gay “charm” or whatever is popular and we have lots of friends and lots of respect among straights. Jing mai ah!

So it’s great that you’re gay. I think everyone wants to be gay these days. There are so many reasons. For one, we decide what is cool, man! Have you noticed how we always do things ahead of everyone else? (jing jing) Even if something looks ridiculous, somebody will pick it up sooner or later—usually later. So we’re the unofficial trendsetters. Jing pa!

Another reason it’s great to be gay is because you have more time. Not because you don’t do anything but because you don’t have to worry about a family or kids. So you have plenty of time for yourself, na. Chances are you’ll have more money as well because your savings are spent only on yourself. So you’ll have more for eating and drinking and shopping and travel. A great life, isn’t it?

People come to us because we’re sex experts. Both straight guys and girls come to us for advice. Really, diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend—a gay man is! Just ask all the straight women married to gay men—we make great husbands! The great thing about us is that we’re in touch with both our femme and our macho side—all in one body! And we might have even tried both, if you know what I mean. Cool, no?

We’re the kings (and queens) of “out of the box.” We’re constantly pushing the envelope of what is acceptable and what is cool. Why do you think there are so many of us in advertising? Look at all the gays you see on TV and in other media. Gays are in the spotlight now more than ever. And our “pink dollar” is something marketers constantly have their sights on.

Being gay you’ll always have plenty of friends. We can be just as competitive as straight men, but in the end we’re lovers, not fighters. Khun Nikom, Chairman of Bangkok Rainbow Organization, told me that he had yet to witness a fight result from one gay stepping on another gay’s foot. Instead we exchange phone numbers. Jing jing, na.

Those are just a few reasons of the top of my head why gay is great. There’s always a bright side, if you really look for it. Let me know if I can help you more.

xxx,
Nathan

To: Nathan
From: A2O
Subject: Our team

Hi, nat’
Thanks for your oh-so positive thoughts. I agree with you, mostly. But what do I do now to leave my cozy closet? Could you give me a couple tips? And how do you deal with stereotypes about gay people?

Luv,
A2O

To: A2O
From: Nathan
Subject: Re: Our team

Hi!! You’re such a curious boy, hah! Yes, there are things that people think about gays that are not nice and not true. However, luv, all you have to do is prepare yourself for those stereotypes. The best way is to go straight at them, like you’re not afraid—because you’re not!

First, you’ve got to look the part. Feel free to overdress. Just watch Queer Eye for a Straight Guy on DVD and then you’ll understand everything. This is why gays are always on the party list. No matter where you shop—even JJ or Pratunam—you’ll need to stand out with your fab outfit. You should dress a bit strange, but on the hiso side of strange.

You’ll also want to sound the part. Say what’s on your mind. And say it loudly. People say that gays are pak maa, but we just tell it like it is. No bullshit, just straight from the bottom of our hearts. Or maybe just straight from the bottom.

They stereotype us as “bitchy” or “smart-ass.” But we call it attitude. Maybe it makes some people feel uncomfortable, but otherwise they would make us feel uncomfortable. Which sounds better to you? Besides, we get better service this way, because they don’t want to piss us off.

There must be something in our gay genes—or maybe our jeans—that make us naturally talented with languages. Our oral skills are unparalleled. When gays describe something, we know how to spice up our language so it’ll be memorable and make an impression.

Well, A2O, I hope this has been helpful for you. More later. I’ve gotta get back to work. See you…

Luv,
Nathan

To: A2O
From: Nathan
Subject: Re: Re: Our team
Attachment: gay type.doc gay test.doc

Hi there
Phew! What a hectic schedule. I know last time I told you about changing threats to opportunities and promised to give you more points of view. Here are a couple.

Most gays know how to dance, pole dance, lap dance and, umm, strip tease (theoretically). OK, not all but at least most clearly gay guys dance like he/she was a choreographer for music videos. If you go around pubs and bars around Bangkok, you will see guys who dance too good to be straight. Call them “dancing queens” or “dancing queers,” this has led to the prig nam pla stereotype: When gays go out, they always express themselves at a maximum level. Well, we do, luv. That’s why “gay nights” are always the most fun—and the cooler straights know this. And that’s why, even in groups of mostly straights, we rainbow people are colorful sidekicks.

I know that we pink people have more pressure than others, but pressure is what turns coal into diamonds. Who wants to be coal? Not me!

xxx,
Nathan

P.S. I know you’re sure, but for fun, I made up a little “gay or not” test for you. Take it over afternoon tea some time. Or at the sauna.

What type are you?

The Diva
Confident to the point of arrogance now that the closet is far, far away. Some of your friends call you mama, je, or big sister. You can make fun of everything and everyone. You have the talent of Ajarn Yingsak, speak like Sorayuth and you can be Tomford for your gal friends, too.

The Cup Cake
You spend half your income on keeping your youthful look and it’s working. Though you’ll be hitting the big three-oh sooner or later, your face is frozen at 18. You have smoother skin than other men, and everyone envys you for your decade-younger look.

The PP (Protein Princes/Princes)
A.k.a. garm phoo. You spend loads of time in the gym admiring your biceps and triceps and take any opportunity to show them off. Two glasses of instant protein then it’s off to dance at DJ Station.

Government Contract
Mr. Mysterious. No one knows about your secret life outside of your little closet.

Camper
You still want to be a male, but your heart is 150% female. During the day you dress, act and behave like a lady-who-lunches; at night you’re a whore-in-training. You refer to your partner as “husband,” not “boyfriend.” You love to go to MNG sales, and to you a compliment is when someone calls you “suay“ not “lor.”

Are You Gay Test?

1. What song always makes you dance?
a. Music Lover (Marsha)
b. Bua Loi (Carabao)
c. What? Dance, never!

2. What comes into your mind when you see Paris Hilton?
a. Gosh, I like her handbag!
b. Like ya, love ya.
c. Damn! She’s hotter than in that clip!

3. Do most of your gal friends think that you really know and understand them?
a. Yes, how did you know?
b. Some yes and some no.
c. No, women are one of the universe’s great mysteries.

4. Do you wear colored shirts according to the season?
a. Yes, of course.
b. Not really. It depends on what color looks good on me.
c. Not unless my mom bought it for me.

5. Have you ever gone to a teen-idol concert and not been hit on by a girl?
a. No, but I refused them with my eagle eyes.
b. No, unless I go with my mates.
c. No, I hit on them first.

6. In your last dream about sex, were there other men in it?
a. I don’t want to talk about it. (That means yes, darling.)
b. Yes, in an orgy.
c. NO WAY!

7. Are you paranoid about your appearance when you go to parties?
a. Yes, image is the first thing on my mind.
b. Not really, but a good man should take care of himself.
c. Nah! I don’t care.

8. Do you ever feel like you want to dance the night away?
a. Yes, especially when a Madonna song is on.
b. Not really, except when I’m really wasted.
c. No, a beer and football is fine for me.

9. 2+7/8 x 14 = ?
a. WTF?
b. 15.75
c. I’m straight, when is this going to be over?

10. What action turns you on most?
a. Guy on guy.
b. Girl on guy.
c. Girl on girl.

Results
A = 3, B = 2, C = 1

0-10 points. You’re so straight you need more gay friends to spice up your life a little bit.

11-15 points. You’re friendly though somehow you still have a line drawn between gay and straight.

16-20 points. You’re a straight metrosexual guy and/or have a lot gay friends. You’re not so far away from the gay village. Make sure you pick the right path.

21-25 points. If you’re straight, you’re a fag stag and possibly just at the border of Gayland. Or you’re gay and still in the closet and using the metrosexual trend as cover.

26-30 points (or any points, if you answered “a” to #10). You’re so gay—or you’re a woman.

Helplines, Communities and Networking

Bangkok Rainbow Organization (49/29 Pradipath Soi 21, 02-618-3221, 09-039-1918, www.bangkokrainbow.org) arranges regular activities for gay people, most with an edutainment slant. Website is in Thai.

Long Yang Club is the “world’s largest network of gay Asian/non-Asian groups.” The Thailand chapter is based at @Richard restaurant (Silom Soi 2/1, next to Free Man Disco, 02-234-0459. Open daily 6pm-late) and holds monthly “Dinner with Friends” gatherings, usually on the last Friday of the month. For more information: www.longyangclub.org/Thailand/

Rainbow Sky Association of Thailand (5/F 1 Panjapath Bldg., Soi Pat Pong 1, Silom rd., 02-632-6956/-7. www.fasiroong.org) promotes understanding between straights and gays and promotes role models for the new generation. The association also organizes monthly activities not only in Bangkok but throughout Thailand.

Sai Sa Bai Jai (02-235-4754/-5, 10am-10pm.) Helpline focusing on HIV and other health concerns and gay issues.

Silom Clinic (3/F, Bangkok Christian Hospital, Silom Rd. 02-634-2917. Open Tue-Sat 4-8pm) is a joint Thai and US effort, offering free blood tests (HIV and STDs) for men only (no transgender).

www.fridae.com Singaporean website with news, networking and events. The annual “Nation” parties must be seen to be believed. The last one was held in Phuket and plenty of punters attended the three-day bash. It was such a ball, in fact, that they’re returning to the Pearl of the Andaman Oct 20-22. From July onward, the first 500 Thais can buy a ticket for the special price of B3,500—try Babylon (Sathorn Soi 1, 02-679-7984/-5) or Café 4 (Silom Soi 4, 02-632-8013).

www.gyent.com A local, English-language website that aims to be center of the universe for the Bangkok gay community. Modeled after fridae.com, there are listings and networking but not such an emphasis on parties.

www.lesla.com Thai-language website for girl-on-girl news, webboards, parties, etc.

www.thailandout.com One of the few gay websites where you won’t find titillating photos (too bad). Numerous Thai-language webboards divided by interest; to post you’ll need to register.

www.thqn.net Thai Queer Network is a local information-only site with news in Thai about all things gay from around the world.

Queer made it Hot

Bling
If you think it was rappers who started this trend, think again. Elton John was wearing huge diamond earrings for concerts back in his golden era (“do you remember when rock was young?”), long before baby gangstas hit the scene.

Earrings
Perhaps the best example of a gay trend that made it big is earrings on men. Twenty years ago straight men didn’t wear earrings, and gay men did it partly to identify themselves as gay. But look at Siam Square now—almost every man and boy has a little piece of metal plugged in his earlobe.

Mens’ Cosmetics
It wasn’t the ladies and it wasn’t the metrosexuals. Who made makeup on men hot? Gay men, of course. Women knew enough to use cosmetics to combat the effects of aging, but it was gay men who made it mainstream. Even our caretaker prime minister applies night cream. He probably carries lip balm in his man purse and applies ultra-strong sunblock before leaving his home, as well.

The Manicure
Until recently most straight men didn’t pay much attention to their nails—or at least they didn’t admit to it. Manicures and pedicures were the territory of women and gay men. Not any more. Now spas all over Bangkok see straight male customers coming in for a polish (and we don’t mean a “happy ending”).

Tight and Supertight Clothing
A decade ago, a man wearing a tight t-shirt was branded as gay. Now Zara and Levi’s are making jeans that fit tight and low, and who’s wearing them? You, straight man!

Waxing
Once the domain of drag queens about to don their gowns and hit the stage, waxing is now being marketed to men in many leading gyms and spas. We’re looking forward to the day the Brazilian makes the same leap.

Divas
Without their fervent gay followings, Madonna, Kylie and Marsha would be gone with the wind. Even Mimi was able to stage a comeback—only after she realized that “We Belong Together.” Paa Tina should take note.

The Metrosexual
We’ll be damned if we’re going to forget this one. Every guy who turns himself from shit to shine, who wears night cream, who knows how to dress and take care of himself, is following in the long tradition pioneered by gay men. It’s good to see all that hard work is paying off: Now if we can only get him to explore other facets of his feminine side…