How well have you been paying attention?

Did you survive this year’s deadly road season? Good. Now let’s see if you spent it sober enough to remember any of these headlines...
 

1. Who paid over 10 billion baht and for what this month?


a)    Issaya Siamese Club for former Top Tables Best Young Chef Andrew Martin.
b)    Middle-class Bangkok for bafun uni and Miyazaki beef.
c)    King Power for MahaNakhon Tower.
d)    Tourists for drinks at Sirocco. 


2. The police this month managed to bust up group sex parties in…


a)     The WE Fitness shower rooms.
b)     Government House.
c)     Ratchada and Pattaya.
d)     Our military attache’s New York hotel suite.


3. This month’s big NIDA poll discovered what?


a)     78% of Bangkok thinks Fowlmouth’s fried chicken is better than BonChon.
b)     99% of Bangkok thinks Nawamin deserved to win British MasterChef.
c)     64% of Bangkok think Itim’s a hottie and that’s why he should be our next prime minister.
d)     45% of Bangkok thinks our economy is tanking.


4. Why were nights spent at home made worse in April?


a)     Returning Happiness to the People in the Country now broadcasts daily.
b)     Grab’s buyout of Uber means your food delivery now takes longer to arrive, if at all.
c)     The Songkran motorsai exodus from the city left us all stranded outside the office instead of at home on the couch.
d)     No air-con unit has yet been invented capable of battling this heat.


5. Which of these are real charges that still stand against Italthai CEO Premchai Karnasuta?


a)     Colluding to hunt in his underpants.
b)     Colluding to make the worst soup ever.
c)     Colluding to possess protected wildlife species.
d)     Colluding to look like John Candy crossed with a panda.
 

Answers

1. The correct answer is (c), and that's even more money than Croquant Chou made last weekend. 
2. The correct answer is (c). Sex parties were busted up in Pattaya and on Ratchada—our military attache was merely arrested for propositioning a prostitute.
3. The correct answer is (d). News also hit this month that Bangkokians have reached record new levels of debt—a feat we manage to better pretty much every year. 
4. The correct answer is (b). No sooner had Uber announced its departure than it's still-operating Uber Eats food service stopped caring about your order, according to these chefs
5. The correct answer is (c). Premchai had five of the charges against him dropped, but that number's since gone down to three.