1. Out-of-towners.

Welcome to Thailand.

2.The occasional ladyboy

Shouldn't they be on Tinder?

3. Older Thai men with super fancy underwear.

Who does this turn on?

4. "Discreet" guys who really, really need to come out now.

Not all of them are Thai-Chinese. But it certainly feels that way.

5. ASEAN Community Massage Therapists. Go AEC!

This story has a happy ending. Guaranteed.

6.  Guys who look 12.

Awh...

7. Guys who look 12 and are DIR-TEE

Hey, wash that keyboard, kiddo.

8. This profile pic: don't you dare say hi without sending a pic.

"Wanna shag?"

9. Legions of perfect gaysians who only screw each other.

If you're one of them, the rest of us hate you.

10. Guys who effin' ask if you're into their race.

No.

11. The guys who show you their junk even though you never asked to see it.

Was that Abhisit?

12. And way too often, that junk is a 50-year-old white man's.

Cannot unsee.

13. The guy who left you a message and you don't have Grindr Extra so you missed it and when you reply he's offline and when he's finally online again he's 10,000 miles away and your life is ruined.

Crushed.

13. Guys on Jack'D

Hi!

14. On Grindr.

14. And guys on Hornet.

Right...

15. Asian Guys Who Insist They Don't Speak Thai.

But we're on Grindr for the deep, meaningful conversations!

16. What your phone does when you check your gay app of choice anywhere near Sathorn Soi 1.

Does anyone straight live here?

17. Guys who claim they play soccer.

Uh-hu.

18. The guys who don't have profile pics but promise they're really hot.

And totally normal.

19. The ubiquitous versatile/tops.

As in VERSATILE/top.

20. The problem with the word "hi" in Bangkok.

Actually, I really just meant "hello."

21. How you feel after an hour of "Hi!" "Hey" "Got more pics?" "line ID?" "What you into?"

Now put that phone down and go enjoy yourself.