There are times when it’s necessary to put one’s personal well-being aside for the sake of the common good. So (deep breath), here goes... That “charismatic” and “influential” individual who is being blamed for destabilizing the government, global warming and cruelty to puppies? You guessed it: That’s us.

“Of course!” you say. No one is overflowing with more clout and behind-the-scenes power than BK. As for charisma, we’re up to here in charisma, baby. This is not to suggest that we are behind any conspiracy to oust Chairman Maew through undemocratic means. In fact just the opposite is true. We’re steadfastly on his side. He gives us so much inspiration, so much hope, so much pleasure in ways he’ll never know—and not just late at night alone watching the Fashion Channel.

Unfortunately there was a teeny weeny misunderstanding between us, and things just sort of snowballed. We blame that cadre of blood-sucking Yes-men and Yo-women around him for once again misreading the tea leaves and pointing the finger at the first innocent bystander in their line of sight, which just happened to be BK. Is it our fault BK is essential reading among the country’s politicians and business elites and that our pages are posted in front of urinals throughout Government House? Is it our fault one of those cretins with kidney stones was in a particularly foul mood that day? Is it? Is it?! Is it?!!

Sorry for getting carried away here. But the thought of losing the Caretaker gets us all emotional. We can’t help but feel guilty about his latest international escape to Germany. Sure, the World Cup made for a handy excuse, as did deal-clinching trips to Kenya, Russia, the UK, India, China and so on—and he likely would have stayed in Europe for Tour de France except for all those cyclists getting disqualified (he absolutely hates cheating). But we know the real reason is because he’s so upset and can’t bear to read the papers every morning (those he hasn’t silenced with lawsuits, that is). The poor fella! Just think how lonely it must be flying home in unscheduled, empty TG planes ordered back for replacement.

This is why we had to speak up. Though we appreciate the Caretaker protecting us for so long, he has enough problems without having to worry whether BK is going to get him thrown out of office. So here we are, let the witch hunt come to an end. We apologize for all the trouble. And in the future we’ll try not to be so damn charismatic.