Not a week goes by without pages of panic-stricken editorials about the imminent arrival of the ASEAN Economic Community and Thailand’s desperate lack of readiness. We’re starting to seriously flip out, too, and would like to help you prepare with this mini quiz:

1. English is important because:
a. Magazine headlines look better in helvetica.
b. The dek inter at RCA are more easily understood when speaking in English, except when they’re really drunk.
c. Europeans desperately need teaching jobs in Asia.
d. English can be used to watch subtitled Japanese movies that haven’t been dubbed into Thai.

2. Which of these is not a neighboring country of the Kingdom of Thailand?
a. The People’s Democratic Casinos of Laos.
b. Orchard Road.
c. Hun Sen.
d. Thonburiland.

3. With the opening of the labor market, you will:
a. Lose your job to some kid from Laos who is younger, speaks better English, works longer hours and has fairer skin.
b. Move to Singapore to open a Hainanese chicken rice stall and live in squalor.
c. Hire foreign domestic help at B180/day to support neighboring economies.
d. Learn to swear in Mandarin to impress your new boss. (Cào ni zuzong shíba dài means “fuck your ancestors to the 18th generation.” Use wisely.)

4. How can Thailand improve its competitiveness?
a. By opening four more Mega Bangnas.
b. Our soap operas are already pretty big in Laos, but it’s high time Thaksin got us some air time in Cambodia.
c. By hosting more creativity expos so we can become the world’s greatest nation in the lucrative field of graphic design.
d. By donating our politicians to other AEC members. We’ll even pay for their flights.

Answers in next week’s Bangkok Post and The Nation editorials.